y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
