so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
