let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
