what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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