my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize