things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
