I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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