I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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