I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize