I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
