My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
