That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
