At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
