I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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