Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
