youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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