we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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