Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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