his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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