was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
