I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
