you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
