the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hippo gnu deer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
