3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
