That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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