She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
