wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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