good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
