the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
