Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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