I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
