Having a random hookup so left but love u
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
