I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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