I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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