So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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