Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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