Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
