just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
