One girl and one boy is just not enough.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
