just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
