He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
