Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
