PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize