I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
