Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
