Is it because I queefed?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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