More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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