He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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