dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
