hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My life is pants optional.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
