Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize