so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
