His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
