i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well you can't waste a boner
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
