I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
