Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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