I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize