does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize