So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
