he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
