The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
