you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
