hotel room ftw
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
