im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
