Sry I called you an 8
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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